Friday, September 07, 2007

KOMINIKE 4: MEL BROOKS

Princip rada srpskih oligarha je bolje nego u bilo kom kominikeu objašnjen u ovoj scenji iz scenarija Mel Brooksa THE PRODUCERS:

BACK TO TIGHT SHOT OF BLOOM. HE COMPARES PAGES.
BLOOM(musing to himself)
Heh, heh, heh, amazing. It'sabsolutely amazing. But under theright circumstances, a producercould make more money with a flopthan he could with a hit.
QUICK CUT TO BIALYSTOCK'S SLEEPING FACE. HIS EYES POP OPEN.
CUT BACK TO BLOOM.
BLOOMYes. Yes. It's quite possible.If he were certain the show wouldfail, a man could make a fortune.
CUT TO BIALYSTOCK. BY NOW HE IS HALFWAY ACROSS THE ROOM.HIS WHOLE BEING TINGLING WITH ALERTNESS. HE MOVES TOBLOOM'S DESK AND HOVERS OVER HIM, WAITING EXPECTANTLY FORMORE INFORMATION. BUT BLOOM IS LOST IN HIS WORK, UNAWARETHAT BIALYSTOCK IS HANGING ON HIS EVERY WORD.
BIALYSTOCKYes???
BLOOM LOOKS UP. HE IS STARTLED TO SEE BIALYSTOCK'S FACE SOCLOSE TO HIS OWN.
BLOOM(at a loss)Yes, what?
BIALYSTOCK
What you were saying. Keep talking.
BLOOM
What was I saying?
BIALYSTOCK
You were saying that under theright circumstances, a producercould make more money with a flopthan he could with a hit.
BLOOM(smiling)
Yes, it's quite possible.
BIALYSTOCK
You keep saying that, but you don'ttell me how. How could a producermake more money with a flop thanwith a hit?
BLOOM, SLIGHTLY EXASPERATED, PUTS HIS PENCIL DOWN AND FACESBIALYSTOCK. HE SPEAKS TO BIALYSTOCK AS A TEACHER WOULD ASTUDENT.
BLOOM
It's simply a matter of creativeaccounting. Let us assume, justfor the moment, that you are adishonest man.
BIALYSTOCK
Assume away!
BLOOM
Well, it's very easy. You simplyraise more money than you really need.
BIALYSTOCK
What do you mean?
BLOOM
You've done it yourself, only youdid it on a very small scale.
BIALYSTOCK
What did I do?
BLOOM
You raised two thousand more thanyou needed to produce your last play.
BIALYSTOCK
So what? What did it get me? I'mwearing a cardboard belt.
BLOOM
Ahhhhhh! But that's where you madeyour error. You didn't go all theway. You see, if you were really abold criminal, you could haveraised a million.
BIALYSTOCK
But the play only cost $60,000 toproduce.
BLOOM
Exactly. And how long did it run?
BIALYSTOCK
One night.
BLOOM
See? You could have raised amillion dollars, put on a sixtythousand dollar flop and kept therest.
BIALYSTOCK
But what if the play was a hit?
BLOOM
Oh, you'd go to jail. If the playwere a hit, you'd have to pay offthe backers, and with so manybackers there could never be enoughprofits to go around, get it?
BIALYSTOCK
Aha, aha, aha, aha, aha, aha!! So,in order for the scheme to work,we'd have to find a sure fire flop.
BLOOM
What scheme?
BIALYSTOCK
What scheme? Your scheme, you bloody little genius.
BLOOM
Oh, no. No. No. I meant no scheme. I merely posed a little,academic accounting theory. It's just a thought.
BIALYSTOCK
Bloom, worlds are turned on suchthoughts!
BIALYSTOCK STARTS MOVING IN ON BLOOM.
BIALYSTOCK
Don't you see, Bloom. Darling,Bloom, glorious Bloom, it's sosimple. Step one: We find theworst play in the world -- a sureflop. Step two: I raise a milliondollars -- there's a lot of littleold ladies in this world. Stepthree: You go back to work on thebooks. Phoney lists of backers --one for the government, one for us.You can do it, Bloom, you're awizard.Step four: We open on Broadway andbefore you can say 'step five' weclose on Broadway. Step six: Wetake our million dollars and fly toRio de Janiero.

3 Comments:

Blogger zakk said...

nemam reči :)

4:24 AM  
Anonymous konspirator said...

Iz usta jednog od domacih producenata, slicnih ko jaje jajetu:
U scenariju imas dve scene koje kostaju po 50.000 evra. Naravno, kad trazis pare za film, prepricavas bas njihov efekat na omamljenu publiku. Dobijes pare, prepravis scenario, izbacis te dve scene i zamenis ih sa nekim velikosrpskim trtljanjem, i eto 100 somica si u plusu. Naravno scene su izbacene iz AUTORSKIH razloga. I svi srecni, veliki umjetnik je sve objasnio i opravdao.

8:09 AM  
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6:40 PM  

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